Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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