that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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