His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
