You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
