remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
