Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
