I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
