Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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