the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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