I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
