i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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