A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then my night got REAL pukey
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
