So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
