My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
