I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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