we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
