Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
