People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
