He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
