he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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