I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
