You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
