paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
