Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
