My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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