Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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