Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
