you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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