I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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