The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
