I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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