who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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