I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
this hospital has no fireball
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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