Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
