he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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