i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
