Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
