WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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