i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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