he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
