after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
