There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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