i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
