haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
