I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
