I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize