We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
