i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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