I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
