you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
