oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
