guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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