I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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