Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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