he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
