dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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