I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
